When I was young, many, many years ago, they actually made a
distinction between friends and acquaintances.
Now in the 21st century you can be BFFs with people you’ve
have never even met before. This a gift
of the internet and things like My Space (remember My Space anyone?) and Face
Book.
I suppose I should be thankful. Turns out the friends I have in the
traditional sense that is, don’t seem to like me much. Maybe distance is the only thing that makes
me palatable.
I got a little early coal in my stocking this year. I found out a friend I was really quite fond
of is firmly on that list of local “friends”
who don’t really care for my company and would just as soon keep our
relationship as it were as vague and distant as possible.
Part of me wishes very much I knew why this was, but the
truth is I am what I am and even if I was inclined to make myself more
palatable I doubt if I could. I’ve been
the way I am far too long and I suppose the damage is already done.
I wonder would the world be any different if someone were
listening. If my voice reached beyond
the distance of my own ears, if…
I wonder if that word-IF-might not be the most tragic in the
language. All the unrealized
possibilities of the world summed up in a single quiet word.
I look up at the stars on clear nights, billions and
billions of tiny little lights shining in the dark. There are more stars by far than there are
grains of sand on this entire planet. A
clear night sky on a cool dark night, a symbol of infinite possibilities and
then I look in the mirror and see only a soul sucking black hole that can
swallow EVERYTHING…even the stars.
I single life a single soul swimming in the sea of life
touched by everything but touching nothing.
Tossed about on storm swept waters every human choice ripples down the
time line, taught strings plucked and vibrating a sad sweet melancholy requiem.
It all seems so far away, slipping into darkness and I can’t
help but wonder if it isn’t better that way.
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